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World of Warcraft’s Next Top Model?

November 14, 2008

To celebrate the launch of Wrath of the Lich King, Metro Gamer has decided to make a series of World of Warcraft class articles focusing solely on appearances. Shiro is also celebrating his apparent lack of The Burning Crusade, let alone Wrath of the Lich King.

Heya. You’ve probably gotten your hands on Wrath earlier (maybe even before street date). You’ve probably explored Northrend or became the realm’s first level 80. But we’re not here to talk about that.

Let’s talk about characters. Let’s talk about the doods that represent us in-game. How do they keep going like they do? How do they stay tough, fit, and fabulous even after endless Arathi Basin rounds, Karazhan raids, Arena seasons, Hallow’s End candy, along with all the food and drink they consume in between.

Hop along and learn about the health secrets and workout routines of our favorite Warcraft race. What does it take? Let’s find out.

Humans

Too sexy for my shirt.

Too sexy for my shirt.

Us humans might lose out on all the fancy ears, tendrils, horns, and green-ness, but we certainly aren’t lacking in the body department. Physiques like these take years of hard work, dilligence, and tangling with the Defias Brotherhood.

Males in particular are buff and packing the big guns. These guys train in the local Stormwind gym 3 times a day, 5 times a week. They focus on getting bigger by lifting heavy and eating a high protein diet. They’re also probably juiced up.

After an intense lifting session, they like to chill and show off their biceps to the fine ladies.

Where da white ladies at?

Where da white ladies at?

Human females are girls you’d love to bring home to momma. That is, if your momma laid eggs and was named Onyxia. These girls are tough and will chew you out if you ever point out that they gained wei…

*Ahem*

In order to keep their curvaceous figures, these girls refrain from excessive cardio training – and it shows. They have a pair that is arguably the best in Azeroth. A well-balanced diet paired with luxurious skin and body spa treatments keep these beauties in top raiding form. When they have free time, these girls like to unwind and spend the day dancing on top of mailboxes in front of a crowd.

Orcs

<b>Taking this screenshot wasn't pleasant.</b>

Yes, it makes me uncomfortable.

Not to be outdone, the Orcs have virtually mastered the art of bodybuilding and leather hotpants. These mean, green buffets of manliness are so massive that they make Big Poppa Pump look like a weenie.

You can’t even start to imagine how the Orcs work out. Wait, maybe I can.

Just look at this guy on the left – he has massive WRISTS and ELBOWS.  He probably does 312438275 repetitions on his pinky finger. And that’s just the warm-up set.

I’d say these guys do weight training 7 days a week at Orgrimmar and use Ragefire Chasm as a sauna. with a heavy diet of TESTOSTERONE.

This is why the Horde is such a strong faction. Oh, that includes the women. Yup, TESTOSTERONE.

Prepare to get zugzug'd.

Prepare to get zug-zug'd

That, and because High Overlord Saurfang said so.

Stay tuned for the next installment of World of Warcraft’s Next Top Model where we invade the privacy explore the different WoW races and their health habits here at Metro Gamer. Please don’t be traumatized.

Special thanks to Skullpion for taking these lovely screenshots. Now people will remember you for playing with naked green orc-women at home for fun.

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2 Comments leave one →
  1. Skullpion permalink
    November 15, 2008 1:38 am

    All for friendship. D:

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